THE Post

Here it is.  The post that I have been referencing for some time that has been "brewing."  I hope I haven't built it up so much that you will read and say, "That's it???"  Its not really anything extraordinary, just some food for thought, really.  So here it goes!

It has been just over three years now that Matt and I have been in the "ministry."  I put ministry in quotes because really, I believe that all Christians are in the ministry.  We are ALL called to share the Good News and to encourage others in the faith, etc.  It is just that some people, i.e. pastors, missionaries, etc. do their ministering in a more public way. 

I also need to preface this by saying that I LOVE where God has called us, and I LOVE our church.  Matt and I are so happy here.  I wasn't always.  At first I was not happy, and did not want to be here.  But I will go into that in detail in a post in the future.  For now, let it suffice to say that I wasn't happy, but now I am! ;-)  And I in no way intend this post to sound as if I am complaining.  But I really wanted to get my thoughts and observations down.

So, it has been three years and I have come to one conclusion regarding my husband being in the pastorate.  It is HARD.  I "knew" this going into it, but not really.  Let me give you a few reasons why it is hard.

First of all, and probably the hardest thing for me personally to deal with is that I have to share my husband with everyone.  What I mean by that is this: he has such a heart for the people in our church, and there are many times when they need him  to be there for him - and he is.  In the "secular" world, most people clock in at 8 or 9 a.m. and clock out at 5 or 6 and get to go home and are then on their own time.  Not so with a pastor.  He has no "hours" when he is on and when he is off.  There are many times that he is called out at 7 o'clock at night and is gone until 2 or 3 in the morning.  Sometimes he will leave early in the morning and will be gone for many, many hours.  And in between all that, we try to get in our family time. 

I am so thankful for my husband who tries to make it a point to see that he spends as much quality time with us as possible.  But there are times that the church needs him.  And I will admit that selfishly, I sometimes don't want him to go.  I want him to stay home, and just be with me.  And there are times, sometimes weeks at a time, that it is all regular and he is able to be home.  There are times that he is able to be home more than the average husband and I have him around alot.  I love those times!

Another way that I have to share him is that even though he may be home, it is hard to turn off all that is going through his mind.  He does well at not letting that take over, but there are times that he is counseling someone and it is just so heavy on his mind and he is meditating on verses and in constant prayer that I can tell his mind is busy.  Often, I don't even know what the situation may even be (and I don't want to know!), but if I can tell he has something on his mind, I begin to pray for him in dealing with it. 

So, I have found it personally hard to share him with everyone.  It is not just my kids and I that need him.  It is a whole congregation that need him too.

Another thing that is hard is to deal with "comments."  Especially those about my husband.  Now, I have not had anything said to my face regarding my husband, and for that I am thankful because I think that I would have a VERY hard time responding righteously and meekly.  But, I have heard comments made about him to other people and such, and it irks me to NO end.  People have an idea of how a pastor should run things, and if he doesn't do it "their" way, they get upset and start spreading rumors.  Or they say things right to his face about how it "should have been done."  And not only that, but they have all these ideas on  There is much more to a pastor than just standing up there on Sunday and saying encouraging things from the pulpit. how to make things better, yet no one is willing to help make that happen.  They all expect the pastor to do it all.  After all, that is what we pay him for, isn't it?

I was in utter disbelief when we were asked one time, "So, what does a pastor do, anyway?"  Do people realize how many hours these men of God put into even just ONE message?  It is literally hours - like ten or more hours!  And on any average week, Matt speaks 6 times.  That's a lot of meditating and studying.  I would think that it would be the same with most pastors as it is with my husband.  He does not take lightly what to speak on.  He bathes it in prayer, seeking to do only what the Lord would have him to say.  It is a huge responsibility to share the truth and nothing but the truth - only God's word and not man's word or Matt's opinion.

In addition to studying for messages, he has visitation- both to the unsaved, the church members, and the sick.  That takes up time and energy too.  There are times that Matt puts hours and hours of effort into encouraging someone, and he gets no recognition or thanks.  I know, I know.  We are not to seek out man's approval, but rather God's, but sometimes it is nice to be thanked for your hard work.  We are blessed to have a few in our church who do thank us and for that we are so very thankful.  But, again, in my flesh it is very hard to not get upset when I see Matt put so much effort into something, only to have no one thank him for it.  We have had fellowships where we spent much time planning and preparing, only to have 4 people show up.  Those 4 people  and us had a great time.  But still, it was disheartening to not have more come.  It may sound silly, but it is things like that that can get us discouraged.

There is also pressure on the pastor's family.  It may not be intentional, but I feel the pressure of people expecting our kids to act perfectly and always behave and be filled with proper manners, etc.  I have even had comments on how "long" hair my son's hair was getting (which really was NOT long at all - and he was only 2 years old!).  I just have to stand there and smile and say, "Ya, maybe we should cut his hair."  I hate to break it to you all, but my kids are born sinners, just as much as the next.  They throw tantrums, they disobey, the scream - all of it.  We have to work on them with not running in church, with sitting still, with obeying right away, just like everyone else.  It is hard to see people give you a "look" when your daughter throws a royal fit and won't go in the nursery.  We have to train and correct just as much as everyone else.

There is also pressure on the pastor's wife to be very involved in everything.  I can honestly admit that I have thought this in the past, and I am ashamed.  The pastor's wife doesn't have to sing in the choir (ha - we don't have a choir!), she doesn't have to run the nursery, she doesn't have to plan all the ladies meetings, etc.  Matt is very clear to our church that my main responsibility is my family.  I have three young children and a husband.  They are my priority.  Anything beyond that is done by my own choosing.  And for his support in that I am very thankful.  But I know other pastor's wives that are involved in more than they want.  God calls wives to be responsible for their husbands and children first above all.  But there is still pressure and expectations

A lot of this I have had people say, "Oh, just don't let things like that bother you.  Just let it slide right off."  Well, that is a lot easier said than done.  I thought I knew what it was all about.  And then I experienced it personally  No one can truly understand what it is like until you are there..  It is definitely a special calling for a special man of God.  It is definitely a unique situation to raise a family in the "fishbowl."  It isn't always easy.  But it is so rewarding.  Worth it all.

I guess I have two reasons for wanting to post this.  One, just to get a few things out of my mind and on paper.  I always feel better after doing that.  But secondly, to maybe give some of you not in a pastor position a small glimpse of what pastor's lives are like so that you can know how to better pray for and encourage your pastor and his family.  Pray for them everyday.  Pray that God would help your pastor to be able to have a clear mind and the wisdom to know what to speak on (and the proper amount of time to study!).  Encourage your pastor and his family with a small note of encouragement. That means SO much.  Have them over for a meal, or bring one in to them.  If you are in a small church like we are where the pastor does everything (and by that I mean EVERYTHING - from all the planning, the speaking, even the bulletin!), maybe you could offer to do something.  It may be small - like printing off and folding all the bulletins, but this can be more of a blessing then you will ever know to your pastor.  One less thing to think about is always nice.

Again, I am not meaning to complain.  And we really are very happy where God has led us.  Just some thoughts.  Hope it gives you something to think about.  So there you go.  There is my "brewing" post.  Take it or leave it.  Whatever you want!

Until next time...